Famous Philosopher "Ayn Rand" once said, before you say I LOVE YOU you should be able to say "I" with functional Idea and understanding of the "self". If the foundations are shaky then the "Love you" part gets more complicated than necessary.
The problem is with the styles of attachment one sees today, just as earlier, is that they cannot live without their lovers. Through this 'you complete me' philosophy, what you actually saying is ' I need you so that I can feel worthy of happiness and be complete'. Rather than that you should say ' I desire to share the existing happiness in my life with you'.Why do people force others to be relationship? Usually, the answer is an overpowering lack of belief in one's own ability to face the challenges of life. It renders a person incapable of a healthy desire for a partner. He or she would be rather desperate for a partner, and then cling on to a dysfunctional marriage. Yes. life does become convenient than before if you have a lover, but the idea that life becomes possible and worthy of living 'only with a lover' is a root cause of misery.
Generally speaking, since women are trained to look at at their male partners not as equals but as parmeshwars and thereby feel inadequate in their absence - they tend to see marriage from a completely different lens compared to men. This lens exaggerates fears related to loneliness and abandonment and depreciates people's belief in their own capabilities to deal with life challenges. The idea is highly in accurate and impoverished. But perceptions don't begin and end with gender- specific outlooks.Its also about self - belief. To elucidate the point - There was a couple who was married for 3 years and one day his wife decided to leave him and he got into severe depression. He said " I cant imagine my life without her. I will die if she goes away" I asked him, "Tell me, how did you live your life before your wife came into the picture"
The problem is that our notion of romance isn't always individualistic. Its mostly subjective to the person who is in our lives. Rarely do we see romance that's not attached to the object of our affection. That's wrong. Your romantic notion takes new forms when you meet someone you like. But it should not alter how you personally see love. Yes, people will always face problems in relationship, but to understand and deal with the problem better, you need to look at the love just from your point of view. If you let the subjectivity reality of what you are experiencing take hold over you or see love only in terms of what you feel for the person you love, you will end up changing not for the better the way you look at yourself.
Now on to the next question: Is it healthy to ignore red flags in the relationship? People ignore red flags in a relationship because of all sorts of reasons - Functional and Dysfunctional Reasons
Functional Reason - They look at the bigger picture and see the limitation or the bad habits of their partner are not defining characteristics, that they have many other values that can be loved and appreciated. they see the positives and create a holistic and realistic picture of their lover. To make your relationship functional one, ask yourself these questions in regard to your partner : Why does this irritate me? Why is this behavior a red flag? Which of my fundamental criteria are not being met? Are my demands legitimate? What standards am I judging my partner on? Can I not convert my demands into desires and abate my suffering?
Dysfunctional Reason - Sometimes, people accept misery as their fate. For them, the risk of finding happiness with someone else, or just by themselves, is to scary. It is strong and rear fear. So in order to avoid the fear of risk, he or she accepts misery. Their philosophy is "gaadi chalti rehte hain" or any which way marriage should survive. These fears can be magnified by situations where o there is high degree of economic and social dependency that makes people suffer but also the real danger of losing property and monetary means to survive.
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