Monday, 25 March 2013
Golden Rules of Wise Living
What really matters in the end said, Gautama Buddha, is,
"How well did you love,
How fully did you live and
How deeply did you let go?"
All three are golden rules of wise living. Here, 'let go' means renouncing with full clarity and determination those aspects of life which are detterent to a full, wholesome life. Life goes on inexorable and before we can comprehend and appreciate its functioning and profundity, it is time for our exit. In our ignorance and our ego, we spend an entire lifetime trapped in negativities and self-defeating behavioral patterns. Broadly, we remain ensnared in endless desires, undue attachments, colored visions about others and the past and future.
"Letting Go" is a slow and arduous process that cannot be achieved overnight. As one traverses life and advances in age, experience and wisdom, the anomalies of one's life become lucid. Once identified, its easier to make a conscious effort to surmount them. Desire for wealth, power and fame never seems to satiated, leading to discontent, frustration and inner turmoil. The beauty of life remains untapped and life just passes by in a mindless pursuit of desires. A state of no- desires is verily an impossibility and tantamount to godhood. But we certainly work with full understanding on minimizing our desires and gradually relinquishing them.
We have a compelling propensity of dwelling in the past and brooding about the unseen future, thereby neglecting the present. Revelling in past glories or wallowing in self pity due to past tribulations is futile.
Past is a graveyard and the future, inscrutable. We need to abnegate them fully, only then we can seize the golden opportunities of the present and move on in life.
Largely our behaviors and beliefs are the result of mental conditioning. Our mind gets conditioned by our previous experiences with people and events and accordingly forges opinions which with time, ossify into convictions. An entire life can squandered in hatred and hostility towards individuals who do not deserve it. We are changing and evolving, flexibility in our beliefs and opinions are life- enhancing. We need to sincerely let go our prejudices, grouses, biases, anger, jealousies via reconditioning of our mind. This will be conducive to a healthy, equanimous life.
Our undue attachment to animate and inanimate objects can be painful not only for ourselves but for others as well. Who is not familiar with ephemeral nature of these objects? undoubtedly, wealth in certain measure is required for comfortable living. We do not have to abandon wealth. What we need to give us is greed and possessiveness for material objects. We need to relate to them with mental resignation. They should be means for life, not life itself. Paradoxically, wealth can be prerequisite for spiritual enrichment. It is only after our material needs have been taken care of and we are still unfulfilled that we choose to turn inwards.
Similarly, we should let go of our attachments to near and dear ones. Attachment is essentially selfish love. Attached parents may not permit their children to settle abroad, despite their growth prospects, because they need them in old age. Replace attachment with love which is pure and altruistic. Rabindranath Tagore said - "Love does not claim possession but gives freedom"
The moment you get too attached to things, people, money, your job you invariably screw it up! The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing. When you chase things too hard they run away. Did you ever need to sell something, desperately? A car, a house, who wanted it? Nobody! So you dropped the price. Who cared? Nobody! The principle? When you are desperate, zilch!
Talk to any sales person whether they are in Lear Jets or laundry detergents, and they will tell the same story. Desperation pulls you into a descending spiral – and the more your worry, the less people buy! What happens when you are in a restaurant and in a hurry for your meal! They lose your order. Detachment is major reason rich people get richer. They do not care so much, they are not desperate.
On the mental and physical level, we are dealing with natural laws. Nature does not understand desperation! Nature seeks balance and you cannot be desperate and balanced. Life does not have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. It is not indifference, it is neither forcing things
"How well did you love,
How fully did you live and
How deeply did you let go?"
All three are golden rules of wise living. Here, 'let go' means renouncing with full clarity and determination those aspects of life which are detterent to a full, wholesome life. Life goes on inexorable and before we can comprehend and appreciate its functioning and profundity, it is time for our exit. In our ignorance and our ego, we spend an entire lifetime trapped in negativities and self-defeating behavioral patterns. Broadly, we remain ensnared in endless desires, undue attachments, colored visions about others and the past and future.
"Letting Go" is a slow and arduous process that cannot be achieved overnight. As one traverses life and advances in age, experience and wisdom, the anomalies of one's life become lucid. Once identified, its easier to make a conscious effort to surmount them. Desire for wealth, power and fame never seems to satiated, leading to discontent, frustration and inner turmoil. The beauty of life remains untapped and life just passes by in a mindless pursuit of desires. A state of no- desires is verily an impossibility and tantamount to godhood. But we certainly work with full understanding on minimizing our desires and gradually relinquishing them.
We have a compelling propensity of dwelling in the past and brooding about the unseen future, thereby neglecting the present. Revelling in past glories or wallowing in self pity due to past tribulations is futile.
Past is a graveyard and the future, inscrutable. We need to abnegate them fully, only then we can seize the golden opportunities of the present and move on in life.
Largely our behaviors and beliefs are the result of mental conditioning. Our mind gets conditioned by our previous experiences with people and events and accordingly forges opinions which with time, ossify into convictions. An entire life can squandered in hatred and hostility towards individuals who do not deserve it. We are changing and evolving, flexibility in our beliefs and opinions are life- enhancing. We need to sincerely let go our prejudices, grouses, biases, anger, jealousies via reconditioning of our mind. This will be conducive to a healthy, equanimous life.
Our undue attachment to animate and inanimate objects can be painful not only for ourselves but for others as well. Who is not familiar with ephemeral nature of these objects? undoubtedly, wealth in certain measure is required for comfortable living. We do not have to abandon wealth. What we need to give us is greed and possessiveness for material objects. We need to relate to them with mental resignation. They should be means for life, not life itself. Paradoxically, wealth can be prerequisite for spiritual enrichment. It is only after our material needs have been taken care of and we are still unfulfilled that we choose to turn inwards.
Similarly, we should let go of our attachments to near and dear ones. Attachment is essentially selfish love. Attached parents may not permit their children to settle abroad, despite their growth prospects, because they need them in old age. Replace attachment with love which is pure and altruistic. Rabindranath Tagore said - "Love does not claim possession but gives freedom"
The moment you get too attached to things, people, money, your job you invariably screw it up! The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing. When you chase things too hard they run away. Did you ever need to sell something, desperately? A car, a house, who wanted it? Nobody! So you dropped the price. Who cared? Nobody! The principle? When you are desperate, zilch!
Talk to any sales person whether they are in Lear Jets or laundry detergents, and they will tell the same story. Desperation pulls you into a descending spiral – and the more your worry, the less people buy! What happens when you are in a restaurant and in a hurry for your meal! They lose your order. Detachment is major reason rich people get richer. They do not care so much, they are not desperate.
On the mental and physical level, we are dealing with natural laws. Nature does not understand desperation! Nature seeks balance and you cannot be desperate and balanced. Life does not have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. It is not indifference, it is neither forcing things
'Its complicated' - relationship status!!
Famous Philosopher "Ayn Rand" once said, before you say I LOVE YOU you should be able to say "I" with functional Idea and understanding of the "self". If the foundations are shaky then the "Love you" part gets more complicated than necessary.
The problem is with the styles of attachment one sees today, just as earlier, is that they cannot live without their lovers. Through this 'you complete me' philosophy, what you actually saying is ' I need you so that I can feel worthy of happiness and be complete'. Rather than that you should say ' I desire to share the existing happiness in my life with you'.Why do people force others to be relationship? Usually, the answer is an overpowering lack of belief in one's own ability to face the challenges of life. It renders a person incapable of a healthy desire for a partner. He or she would be rather desperate for a partner, and then cling on to a dysfunctional marriage. Yes. life does become convenient than before if you have a lover, but the idea that life becomes possible and worthy of living 'only with a lover' is a root cause of misery.
Generally speaking, since women are trained to look at at their male partners not as equals but as parmeshwars and thereby feel inadequate in their absence - they tend to see marriage from a completely different lens compared to men. This lens exaggerates fears related to loneliness and abandonment and depreciates people's belief in their own capabilities to deal with life challenges. The idea is highly in accurate and impoverished. But perceptions don't begin and end with gender- specific outlooks.Its also about self - belief. To elucidate the point - There was a couple who was married for 3 years and one day his wife decided to leave him and he got into severe depression. He said " I cant imagine my life without her. I will die if she goes away" I asked him, "Tell me, how did you live your life before your wife came into the picture"
The problem is that our notion of romance isn't always individualistic. Its mostly subjective to the person who is in our lives. Rarely do we see romance that's not attached to the object of our affection. That's wrong. Your romantic notion takes new forms when you meet someone you like. But it should not alter how you personally see love. Yes, people will always face problems in relationship, but to understand and deal with the problem better, you need to look at the love just from your point of view. If you let the subjectivity reality of what you are experiencing take hold over you or see love only in terms of what you feel for the person you love, you will end up changing not for the better the way you look at yourself.
Now on to the next question: Is it healthy to ignore red flags in the relationship? People ignore red flags in a relationship because of all sorts of reasons - Functional and Dysfunctional Reasons
Functional Reason - They look at the bigger picture and see the limitation or the bad habits of their partner are not defining characteristics, that they have many other values that can be loved and appreciated. they see the positives and create a holistic and realistic picture of their lover. To make your relationship functional one, ask yourself these questions in regard to your partner : Why does this irritate me? Why is this behavior a red flag? Which of my fundamental criteria are not being met? Are my demands legitimate? What standards am I judging my partner on? Can I not convert my demands into desires and abate my suffering?
Dysfunctional Reason - Sometimes, people accept misery as their fate. For them, the risk of finding happiness with someone else, or just by themselves, is to scary. It is strong and rear fear. So in order to avoid the fear of risk, he or she accepts misery. Their philosophy is "gaadi chalti rehte hain" or any which way marriage should survive. These fears can be magnified by situations where o there is high degree of economic and social dependency that makes people suffer but also the real danger of losing property and monetary means to survive.
The problem is with the styles of attachment one sees today, just as earlier, is that they cannot live without their lovers. Through this 'you complete me' philosophy, what you actually saying is ' I need you so that I can feel worthy of happiness and be complete'. Rather than that you should say ' I desire to share the existing happiness in my life with you'.Why do people force others to be relationship? Usually, the answer is an overpowering lack of belief in one's own ability to face the challenges of life. It renders a person incapable of a healthy desire for a partner. He or she would be rather desperate for a partner, and then cling on to a dysfunctional marriage. Yes. life does become convenient than before if you have a lover, but the idea that life becomes possible and worthy of living 'only with a lover' is a root cause of misery.
Generally speaking, since women are trained to look at at their male partners not as equals but as parmeshwars and thereby feel inadequate in their absence - they tend to see marriage from a completely different lens compared to men. This lens exaggerates fears related to loneliness and abandonment and depreciates people's belief in their own capabilities to deal with life challenges. The idea is highly in accurate and impoverished. But perceptions don't begin and end with gender- specific outlooks.Its also about self - belief. To elucidate the point - There was a couple who was married for 3 years and one day his wife decided to leave him and he got into severe depression. He said " I cant imagine my life without her. I will die if she goes away" I asked him, "Tell me, how did you live your life before your wife came into the picture"
The problem is that our notion of romance isn't always individualistic. Its mostly subjective to the person who is in our lives. Rarely do we see romance that's not attached to the object of our affection. That's wrong. Your romantic notion takes new forms when you meet someone you like. But it should not alter how you personally see love. Yes, people will always face problems in relationship, but to understand and deal with the problem better, you need to look at the love just from your point of view. If you let the subjectivity reality of what you are experiencing take hold over you or see love only in terms of what you feel for the person you love, you will end up changing not for the better the way you look at yourself.
Now on to the next question: Is it healthy to ignore red flags in the relationship? People ignore red flags in a relationship because of all sorts of reasons - Functional and Dysfunctional Reasons
Functional Reason - They look at the bigger picture and see the limitation or the bad habits of their partner are not defining characteristics, that they have many other values that can be loved and appreciated. they see the positives and create a holistic and realistic picture of their lover. To make your relationship functional one, ask yourself these questions in regard to your partner : Why does this irritate me? Why is this behavior a red flag? Which of my fundamental criteria are not being met? Are my demands legitimate? What standards am I judging my partner on? Can I not convert my demands into desires and abate my suffering?
Dysfunctional Reason - Sometimes, people accept misery as their fate. For them, the risk of finding happiness with someone else, or just by themselves, is to scary. It is strong and rear fear. So in order to avoid the fear of risk, he or she accepts misery. Their philosophy is "gaadi chalti rehte hain" or any which way marriage should survive. These fears can be magnified by situations where o there is high degree of economic and social dependency that makes people suffer but also the real danger of losing property and monetary means to survive.
Monday, 25 February 2013
Story of a Red Bag??? Hope, Faith and Luck!!
It was 14th February weekend when we decided to celebrate the day in Amritsar. It was one of his friends wedding too and we thought we could do two things at the same time but destiny had something else stored for us. Not like we got married or he proposed me, it was something trivial but adventurous. So the story starts when we boarded the train on 13th February and the coach was filled with all foreigners who were heading to Beas, Radha Swamy Ashram. A nice gentleman from Ecuador sat next to us and we chatted about his language, country, his reason to visit India and his family etc and then after sometime we both got involved in our reading.It was when Beas came and whole zing bang got of the train and I realized my red color suitcase was missing. I got up and searched everywhere when we realized it was too late and train started to move and we both had no option but to stay inside the train and wait for Amritsar station.We got talking about our next action immediately after we figured out that it was lost. It seemed like the luck was on our side that day because there was a station master in our coach who was traveling for his personal work to Amritsar. He guided us and asked us to make a call to "Dera" as called by all devotees of Radha Swamy. We started applying our brains to figure out where could have bag gone, was it stolen at some station or as suggested by station master it would have been taken by any one of the foreigners in a hurry since they were travelling in a group and no one would have paid attention in such a ruckus. We decided to make some calls to Dera, after go-ogling and making some 100 calls to varied control room, station master, different hostels we figured out only one thing that all foreigners stay at Hostel 6 at Dera. We made our final call to Hostel 6 and left our numbers, hoping if they find my bag somewhere in their premises.So what do you think would have happened?? Its impossible to find a bag which had everything starting from jewellery, all wedding clothes, all personal belongings, footwear's etc. When I say everything it literally meant everything but hope and faith kept us going. I do not know how where we so positive and confident about my bag. I was tensed but confident, we both kept our calm and were focusing more on our further steps. Sometimes "Google" can do wonders for you, we were able to contact Dera, Radha Swamy ashram through our search on Google and somehow figured out where could have my Bag landed if it would have been taken by them. Finally we reached Amritsar and went to our friends house where one of his wedding functions were being conducted and since we were starving we ate our lunch peacefully and left for Dera. We were just playing hit and trail game, we were not even sure if we will find my bag but had some faith and hope with us. We left for our unknown and unexpectable journey of 1.5 hours to Beas. I was being quite and content, that's least I could have done rather than being tensed and worried to the extent of losing my patience. He tried his best to keep me poised and calm and left everything on luck and destiny. It was after half of our journey when I got a call from Hostel 6 warden (as they call in movies) and she started asking me to give details of my bag. This was a ray of hope for us because without my wedding clothes or anything else I don't think it would have been possible for me to be part of wedding. But this call made us believe in luck and destiny more, reason being we found my "LOST BAG". The feeling could not have been expressed in words, but it made us stronger and positive person.
It tells us whatever happens, be positive and have faith in things which will fall into place for you. Loosing patience and getting agitated will leave you as a frustrated person and you will land up being a negative person. This one incident taught me to be patient with problems and think positive because its thinking which makes us to what we are as an Individual. I decided to put this down on my blog so that people could relate to same and learn to be positive and have faith. This is just a small incident, we may come across bigger problem in life, we have to learn to be poised and composed to deal with all of them. Our mind plays a very bigger role in making and breaking us, so you got to know how to tame it and when to use in appropriate manner at the right time.
Friday, 8 February 2013
"You" gotta love "Yourself"!
We all know in today's scenario we gotta love yourself first and then respect others. You have to empower yourself by treating yourself with love and respect and making sure people around does the same. Its said however we will think of ourself that's exactly how others would also think of us. It works like mirror, you asks the mirror - "Who is beautiful" and the mirror replies "You". How can a mirror tell your true self and inner beauty, his reply is only to your outer beauty.
Its not about asking people how you feel or how you look, its what you have in you and what gives you confidence. Truth lies within each one of us, so go within. To know true reality turn off the TV, put away books on human psychology and close your eyes and sit with yourself. The first step isn't Being in a state of thoughtlessness, it's Being with yourself- whatever you understand "yourself" to be. If you understand yourself as a mind, observe your mind. If you understand yourself as a personality, get to know your personality. If you understand yourself as inner chattering, listen to the chattering. If you understand yourself to be energy, sit with this energy. Get to know yourself...whatever "yourself" means to you. We need to understand and get to know the mind, personality, ego, intellect, etc to know that there is a Being beyond all of this- the True Self.
When you know yourself via others, it is your personality-just a thin layer of opinions. When you know yourself directly, you know your individuality. And once you have known your individuality the fear of being left alone disappears. Loving yourself is mainly having self-respect which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others. When you expect love from an external source, and someone or something does not fulfill your void and fantasies, then you will feel worse than before. To be able to be loved, you must love and respect yourself as much as you do others. Understanding the effects of loving yourself will only enhance your ability to love others. By doing so, you are enabling positive energy and allowing for great situations to occur in your life. Never think that you're living your life for nothing. Everyday, there are people coming in and out of the world, so spend it wisely and respect yourself. Sometimes we feel as if our lives rely on that one person. We think 'If I do this, he/ she will like me. We tend to waste time avoiding those certain people, and regret it later. We miss them, yearn for their love, and even waste birthday wishes on them. "In order to love someone, you must learn to love yourself."
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Gotta Find...
There are times when we meet some people in life
There are no connections but have a purpose
There are feelings which are not known to anyone
There are differences which are not yet discovered
There are situations which get them close
There are words which make them transpose
It's "US" who describes " Friends" in the world
But what is more important is knowing the unspoken language between them
It's build through the same wavelength
Discover the undiscovered "You" and let others explore what's new
This is how a strong relationship is build
I m still figuring out the missing element
It's the trust or faith which grow on each other or is the love which ties them together
I want this feeling to continue without knowing the truth
Let this linger on till we find our way to oour destination
I feel I m sitting in a plane who is fighting the turbulence
Our lives are filled with all ups and downs
Its our closest people who will stand by
We have some friends who grow up with us and some we meet while walking in our lives
Its our trust, belief and connections which binds them with us
We gotta learn to invest in these so that we can fight any obstacle with their support
Friday, 21 December 2012
Defining "Love"
I was reading an article by Ayelet Shimron, who is a motivational speaker. Her thoughts on love left such an impact on me that I decided to put down my thoughts right away-
"When it comes to love, we have this illogical conception of how love is suppose to ‘happen’"Since when did love come with an instruction manual? When we fall into love with zero expectation, there is absolutely no room for disappointment. We all like to believe that we are spontaneous creatures, but when it comes to love we enter into its mysterious domain with a structured vision of how each step “must” unfold. Doing this, we place limitations and standards on love; but love is by no means limited, nor is it defined by any standard. Love is not jealousy, or anger, or resentment.
For example, why do we get angry when our partner does not fulfill a certain task? The answer is simple. Because our expectations have been established, but they haven’t been met. Understand the secret of why many people find it difficult to achieve harmony in relationships. Because the woman wants the man to understand her needs and expectations, while the man, in return, feels unaccomplished for never meeting his woman’s needs. Thus, the man loses his motivation to even try. Remember, the rose blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a lotus. The lotus blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a rose. When we learn to accept the other rather than expect from the other, only then do we learn how to embark on this journey of love. It important to understand that ' Men comes from mars and Women comes from venus' We are two different species and expect different things from each other. According to various books and authors we need to learn to accept each other differently and change the way we look at things. I also realised that sometimes its the way we talk to each other that can reduce our quarrels and misunderstandings If we learn to communicate our feelings and emotions in a right way, we can actually make life simpler and better.
We all get into relationships because we love to be have someone who accepts us the way we are in our lives. Its the connection or the spark between two people who binds them for life and gives them all strength to make their relationship work and last forever. We think of having a perfect life with no problems and issues but then that would not be the life I will want to live. Its a myth that trouble weakens the relationship, it makes us stand stronger when things go topsy and turvy. Let us call it "Love" which reminds us someone cares and will be standing with you to fight all troubles. We should respect what we have and what we feel because we as individuals tend to take our loved one's for granted. There nothing stronger than what we feel for our loved ones, it cannot be defined in words through any writers. Its the feelings and emotion which does the talking in love, a blind can also feel the same what we feel and infact there emotions touches the soul deeper than us. You dont need eyes, ears or hands to feel love, its the somethings which comes from within and grows with time.We may have spent years with our loved ones but those emotions and deep inner feelings always stays with you if they are true for each other. Its easier to get sexually attracted to anyone but feeling that love can only happen when you go through the lane which you thought never existed. The day you drive down that lane which leads to finding inner strength and love that is when we will respect each other and will learn to love more. That is when the negative thoughts will be replaced by positive views and unconditional feelings will flow it wherein the expectations will reduce.
"You must love someone, not because you want them to love you too. But rather, you love them simply because, you have decided to do so, with no regrets."
"When it comes to love, we have this illogical conception of how love is suppose to ‘happen’"Since when did love come with an instruction manual? When we fall into love with zero expectation, there is absolutely no room for disappointment. We all like to believe that we are spontaneous creatures, but when it comes to love we enter into its mysterious domain with a structured vision of how each step “must” unfold. Doing this, we place limitations and standards on love; but love is by no means limited, nor is it defined by any standard. Love is not jealousy, or anger, or resentment.
For example, why do we get angry when our partner does not fulfill a certain task? The answer is simple. Because our expectations have been established, but they haven’t been met. Understand the secret of why many people find it difficult to achieve harmony in relationships. Because the woman wants the man to understand her needs and expectations, while the man, in return, feels unaccomplished for never meeting his woman’s needs. Thus, the man loses his motivation to even try. Remember, the rose blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a lotus. The lotus blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a rose. When we learn to accept the other rather than expect from the other, only then do we learn how to embark on this journey of love. It important to understand that ' Men comes from mars and Women comes from venus' We are two different species and expect different things from each other. According to various books and authors we need to learn to accept each other differently and change the way we look at things. I also realised that sometimes its the way we talk to each other that can reduce our quarrels and misunderstandings If we learn to communicate our feelings and emotions in a right way, we can actually make life simpler and better.
We all get into relationships because we love to be have someone who accepts us the way we are in our lives. Its the connection or the spark between two people who binds them for life and gives them all strength to make their relationship work and last forever. We think of having a perfect life with no problems and issues but then that would not be the life I will want to live. Its a myth that trouble weakens the relationship, it makes us stand stronger when things go topsy and turvy. Let us call it "Love" which reminds us someone cares and will be standing with you to fight all troubles. We should respect what we have and what we feel because we as individuals tend to take our loved one's for granted. There nothing stronger than what we feel for our loved ones, it cannot be defined in words through any writers. Its the feelings and emotion which does the talking in love, a blind can also feel the same what we feel and infact there emotions touches the soul deeper than us. You dont need eyes, ears or hands to feel love, its the somethings which comes from within and grows with time.We may have spent years with our loved ones but those emotions and deep inner feelings always stays with you if they are true for each other. Its easier to get sexually attracted to anyone but feeling that love can only happen when you go through the lane which you thought never existed. The day you drive down that lane which leads to finding inner strength and love that is when we will respect each other and will learn to love more. That is when the negative thoughts will be replaced by positive views and unconditional feelings will flow it wherein the expectations will reduce.
"You must love someone, not because you want them to love you too. But rather, you love them simply because, you have decided to do so, with no regrets."
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